The day I found out I was pregnant

I have always wanted to be a Mum. When I was a kid, people would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up, and I would tell them, “A Mummy!” I have other goals and ambitions of course, but wanting to be a Mother was the one thing that never changed, the one thing I just HAD to do in life. So, naturally, I had often imagined the moment I would first learn that I was pregnant. How would it feel? Would I cry happy tears? Would my partner be with me or would I surprise him? I knew one thing for sure- I would be so excited! But I learned that we can't always predict how we will feel when the important moments in life actually happen.

When I met Terry, I knew he would be the father of my children. Even before I knew I wanted to marry him, I knew I wanted his babies. Over the first 3 and a half years of our relationship, we both knew we wanted a baby eventually, but that the time wasn’t yet right. We were living in a small (tiny!) unit that was crowded when we got a cat, definitely no space for a baby! We were working hard and saving like crazy to build our dream home, Terry was working offshore on an oil rig, away for 4 weeks at a time, and I was working 6-7 days a week. Terry was also secretly trying to save up for my engagement ring at the same time as we were saving for our house! Then, in mid 2015, the timing was right. 

At the beginning of June, we were getting ready to finally move into our house. It was such an exciting time. Terry was about a week into his four weeks away at sea, and we would be moving in when he got home.

On June 6th, I went to the shop to grab a few things. I had a feeling I may be pregnant, even though my period wasn’t due for another 4 days. But at the same time, I thought that I would do a test, and that it would be negative. I basically thought I was getting myself excited for nothing, and I really just wanted to grab a pregnancy test to confirm that I wasn’t really pregnant, just so I didn’t spend another 4 days daydreaming about our possible baby. Now, I’m not someone who has had many pregnancy ‘scares’ before, so I wasn’t exactly a veteran pregnancy test shopper. I think I walked down that isle 3 times before I grabbed the test. I felt like a nervous teenager, even though I was a grown woman! I even hid it under other items in my basket so no one else in the store would see. I got a packet of 3 tests, thinking the first one would be negative, and I’d just have a couple of spares to keep (so I wouldn’t have to go to that section of supermarket next time). 

I did the test the minute I got home. I just wanted to get it out of the way, so I could stop thinking about it. At this point I had convinced myself I wasn’t pregnant. I read the instructions, set up a timer on my phone, and peed on the stick. I was going to put it down and not look at it for 3 minutes. But I guess the stick had other plans. I didn’t even have chance to put it down on the bench. It was maybe 10 seconds before the two strong, dark lines appeared. My exact thoughts were literally- “NO! No no no no no!”
I completely freaked out! It was like I instantly became a 15 year old girl who thought she was going to get in trouble. I still don't know why I felt that way. I knew everyone in our lives would be SO excited for us, and I definitely wanted this precious baby. At this point, I drank heaps of water as quickly as I could, and did the other two tests straight away. The lines weren’t as strong (because of all the water), but they were there. There was a real baby in my tummy.

The first test

I had always wondered what I would do if this happened while Terry was away. I thought I would probably wait until he got home and surprise him, but as soon as the test was positive, all I wanted was to talk to him and tell him. The following two hours were probably the longest of my life, waiting for him to finish work and call me. When he called, we chatted for ages before I finally got the courage to say it. His reaction was the reaction I had been expecting myself to have! I could literally hear him smiling. But, being a slightly awkward and not very ‘mushy’ person, I quickly changed the subject and pretended like everything was normal. When I share my birth story you will see that I had quite a similar approach to telling Terry my water had broken! Writing this, I just said to Terry how similar both moments were, and he brought to my attention that our engagement was actually like that too. We are each others best friend in the world, we tell each other everything, but I guess we are just a bit awkward when it comes to the important moments in life. Can’t wait to see how much we cringe at our wedding!

I don’t know why I was scared when I learned that I was going to be a Mum. I was so happy, and it was everything i had ever wanted, but it was a huge deal! Maybe its scary when all your dreams are coming true. Am I alone in this? Or does this happen to everyone? The nervous feeling lasted for a few days. And even as the nerves went away and happiness took over, I still didn’t even really let myself get too excited until I saw my baby on the 12 week scan. I was over the moon, of course, but I was just scared that something would go wrong. It all felt too good to be true, until I saw her on the screen. And then I fell in love SO hard. The biggest love in the world. Every day that I was pregnant, I thought I would burst with how much I loved her, and then the next day I would wake up and I loved her more. And now she’s here. And, as any mother knows, that love is now on a whole new level that I will never be able to explain.

Our beautiful Mia Grace, 3 months old.